I believe sex confidence starts with accepting self pleasure, embracing your body as it is and owning your sexuality. Not just your sexual orientation but your drive and desires.
I believe self pleasure and being honest with yourself about it can change how you see your body. The confidence boost from being in control of your own satisfaction is second to none.
Self pleasure is something women aren’t taught about while growing up. We’re not taught about any of the benefits, we’re made to feel dirty for thinking about it. We’re taught our bodies do XYZ on a factual, biological level but never about how to safely satisfy our needs. We’re made to feel dirty by how we’re taught about our periods. Growing up, especially as a teen, our sexuality is something we are made to feel ashamed of. We were slut shamed for having sex, even if we weren’t, never mind any mention of masturbation. Even now, masturbation is such a taboo that my iPhone won’t even remember the word!
It took me until I was nearly 30 to admit I masturbate, years after I bought a vibrator for the first time, which was years after my then best friend bought me one for my birthday. The self shaming was real! But you know what, girls do indeed wank too!
There’s more than just the satisfaction of an orgasm when you masturbate. You’ll find that your body confidence will improve when you own your own satisfaction, when you can feel confident know where and how you like to be touched.
Not just your own satisfaction but your sexuality too. As I mentioned before women are sexually stifled. It’s not easy for women to admit they have a high sex drive, that they have fantasies or kinks or that they don’t like certain things. In general, it’s always felt like our needs didn’t matter, it only mattered what our partners wanted. For some that includes our bodies and how they look and feel. He doesn’t like body hair, so we shave it off. He has an issue with cellulite, so we act like it doesn’t exist. Part of that goes back to mainstream porn and the “perfect” body image men grow up with. Men, as teen boys, weren’t shown a range of body shapes and sizes, or a range of breasts and vulvas, so we worry about whether or not we fit in to the porn industry mold.
Here’s the thing though, the majority of men don’t care about your height, your thighs or any flaws you see on yourself. A real man, a man worth your time, won’t give a fuck where you have stretchmarks.
For that matter, any partner, no matter their gender, will give zeros fucks about the things you think are flaws if they’re really worthy of you.
If only there there was a way to stop seeing your body through your eyes and see it through the eyes of those who fancy the arse off you, eh?
It’s hard to embrace our bodies as they are sometimes. But owning our sexuality and being in control of our own pleasure helps massively… there’s one more thing I do to help.
Yup, I regularly take nudes. I started taking one a day and, it took a while, but I actually don’t dislike my body. Having a bit of fun, just for me, not for anyone else, taking cheeky pictures made me feel so much better about my body. It’s not for everyone I know, and I’m not suggesting you do it, but I would suggest getting nude more often. Spend time nude, not just getting dressed but actual time nude and get comfortable in your skin.
Everything about your body, your pleasure and your sexuality is normal. There is literally nothing to be ashamed of. Remember I’m only a message away if you need a pep talk or a cheerleader.