“Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself” – Coco Chanel.
With that firmly in mind… let’s put suspensions to rest. Yes, I do fancy girls just as well as boys.
Being open about my sexual preferences has always been a bit of an issue. For a long time I’ve questioned my sexuality and wondered about my feelings towards both sexes.
I’ve never felt like I can actually admit openly that I’m not straight. Not completely.
It was kind of a fear of being judge on both sides of the fence. Fear of the gay community dismissing me because I’m not actually gay, like I was an imposter in their world and a fear of the straight community punishing me for not being straight (though I find straight men are incredibly accepting of a straight woman having lesbian flings, sigh).
On the flip side, enough people close to me have probably noticed my bisexuality without me having to be out about it. I never felt the need to come out to my friends and family, they’re all very accepting of others and their differences, they’ve also never pressed to know. I don’t exactly hide it either.
I’ve never really tried to put a label on my sexuality because I’ve never fully embraced the LGBTQ world, or felt like I could ever be part of it. I would love to know more about the definitions that bound around these days but my head sort of explodes when I try, so I just sit back and say fuck it; love is love and who they choose to lay with is entirely their business and non of mine. I’m not going to pretend I know what any of the labels mean these days, I’ve not kept up with it all because I never felt welcome but I do know my sexuality is more fluid than linear.
Recently I’ve met a group of people (albeit online) who are helping me embrace who I really am.
I’d say heteroflexible is more fitting for where my sexuality lies. I’m basically straight but holy moly do I fancy girls sometimes. Maybe it’s because I’m a bit of a hedonist. Anything can be pleasurable if given a chance and under the right circumstances.
There are days when I find women more attractive than men.
There are days when I fantasise about being with a woman.
It’s not what’s inside that attracts me to women, but it is part, so the whole “attracted to a person not a gender” doesn’t fit me. It’s definitely the outside of a woman that gets to me first. Personality is always a bonus though. I know that sounds shallow as fuck but it’s true, and there’s no shame in desiring someone based on looks… however I have fast gone off people because they turn out to be bores.
Now, the reason I’m sharing this is not for attention or to ‘come out’ but because visibility matters. Future generations need to see all differences to know they are not lone. To know they can be true to themselves because there are enough of us out there that someone will understand them.
I’m sharing this because the debate over whether LGBTQ+ rights should be taught in school is still happening. I mean come on. It’s 2019. Being gay hasn’t been illegal in over 50 years in England, with restrictions, that were later overturned in 2000 by the European Court of Human Rights. The rest of the UK didn’t decriminalise homosexuality until the 80s, but still that’s 30 years now and yet there’s still a debate about whether LGBTQ+ kids have a right to know they’re not abominations.
Religion no longer dictates the curriculum, and nor should it, so to object to a part of the curriculum based on religious beliefs is ludicrous. If your faith is that important to you, teach it at home as you would do anyway, let your religious leaders teach your children your religion’s views on homosexuality but do not bring that prejudice in to schools.
Children need to see that families come in all shapes and sizes from biracial to same sex. Children need to know that their sexuality is not a choice, it is not proof of demonic possession, it’s nothing evil. Children need to know that no matter what they are normal, they are loved and they are accepted.
The protests are idiotic and scientificly unfounded. “It’s gay propaganda” they chant, like reading a book featuring a gay couple will turn them in to something they’re biologically not.
They say that innocence should be preserved, like a heterosexual life is the only way to preserve it? Yet these same people are happy to let their kids sit and watch fairytales (nothing dark there), play fortnite and let them listen to the latest chart hits (cause Swalla was so innocent).
Following on from that is their protest that sex ed in primary schools (featuring the LGBTQ+ rights) sexualises children from an early age… let me bring you back to pop culture and how sex is in all of it. Sexualising children includes convincing them to twerk for YouTube, just sayin’. Parents are showing them all the sex out their and not batting an eyelid.
My favourite arguments were that school isn’t the place and that they need to be older. Why, why must they be older and why isn’t school the place? A huge proportion of the LGBTQ+ community knew from an early age, some as young as 5-7, sexuality manifests itself earlier than you think, years before puberty starts. What if those children know they won’t be accepted at home? What if they need someone away from their parents’ faith to confide in and be honest about who they really are? What if their parents simply don’t give enough of a fuck to teach their kids that all people should be accepted?
Sex and relationship education needs to broaden itself to include the LGBTQ+ community as well as porn, self pleasure and consent at age appropriate levels and that is what schools are starting to do. This is not a bad thing.
So here I am, doing my little bit to add to the visibility one person more. Here I am hoping that this can help just one person feel accepted. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it in the end.